Moving Onwards and Upwards

It's been a bit of a strange and strained few weeks as any of you who read my blog regularly would know. I can honestly say however that things truly feel on the up. Towards the end of my relationship, in one of its rockiest moments, I read a status update (oh the joy of Facebook) that my now ex wrote in which he compared our relationship to a bad job that it was maybe time to get out of. Ouch! It was an analogy that at the time, especially since we hadn't yet ended things, struck me pretty hard. It was a biting expression and a public one at that. A couple of weeks down the road and there I was this morning, walking back home from dropping Milo off at Kita and I, rather surprisingl,y too found myself making a work related analogy regarding the end of our relationship. In the last 4 days or so I have started to pick myself up out of my self-pitying hole and have begun to see that what has occured of late could be the making of me. Here comes the analogy... I know alot of people who have lost jobs either through redundancy, being ''let go'' from seemingly secure temp jobs or even through being fired (the third hasn't happened to me yet but the other two have) and I have often said to those people that this seemingly negative experience could just well be what they need to push them in to the direction that they actually would rather be in. A kick up the bottom so to speak (a far politer way of putting it then I would naturally use but hey this is a kid friendly blog!.) This seems to be exactly what the ending of this relationship has been for me. Is it what I had hoped for? Absolutely not. Would I rather be in the emotional place I was with said ex 4 months ago? Absolutely. This however is no longer an option and instead I am moving forward and at a rapid rate at that. Nothing to do with guys, that can more then wait and a long time I plan too, but in life in general.

I have been in many a negative relationship. I have experienced plenty of physically and emotionally damaging supposed 'partnerships' and many a guy has worked at pushing my self confidence down and at pulling me slowly apart. I am older now though and stronger and I won't let it be done to me any more. I am not who I am with, I am me, myself and I as the lovely saying goes and I am worth more then that and unlike in the last 9 years or so, a time in which I didn't have much faith in my own value, I now know I am worth knowing, loving and being with and that I am someone who will one day be happy with a partner but who will also achieve many things alone and is more then capable of standing on my own two feet.

This is all getting a bit too girl power for my liking, gone are the 90's and I have no interest in stepping back in to my Nike Air trainers just yet but I am feeling good. My blog is moving along nicely with a wonderful following of fantastic readers (thank you) and since having the iPhone I am in love with tweeting and the networking opportunities it opens (find me at 'workberlinmum'). I am working hard at being more social and am organising regular playdates and general meets with friends and haven't felt lonely at all in the last week and a half. Next year I am going to start making use of the fact that I have my apartment child-free a couple nights a week and I am going to have friends round and start organising events for fellow expat mums/moms based here in Berlin and I am loving all the organisation that goes in to it.

Milo and I are also closer then ever and whereas whilst 'The Englander' and I were together, Milo didn't really have much interest in me and didn't want to be held by me at all. He now cuddles and kisses me and is regularly holding my hand and wanting to play with me and I love it. I have my little sausage back and I guess he feels he has me back. We are a little team of two now and that isn't all that bad. Bring on 2012, I am going to hit you head on and not look back!


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