Mother's out there, do you ever sometimes think your kid(s) just doesn't like you?
I have to admit I sometimes do. It's not that I think Milo doesn't love me, I know he does, he's genetically predisposed to after all but all too often lately I have been feeling like he just isn't bothered about me. He's in the middle of the 'terrible two's', I know this, I know that is of course having an effect on his behaviour but all the same it's just tough to not feel rejected by him. Constantly. I am completely embarrased and ashamed at this feeling, I feel ridiculous just writing it now and that's why it's not something I talk about easily but hey, what is this blog if not a chance to get some of my innermost thoughts off my chest?! Milo used to rage at me, those of you have been reading my blog for a while will maybe remember the day in which he screamed at me for 7 1/2 hours (yep, really), he went through phases of hitting me, of getting plainly agressive, all clear signs of frustration and as awful as it was at the time (and it really was) I could at least explain it away, put it down to his inability to communicate and express himself and all that. What I get alot of these days is worse. These days I mostly receive apathy. For example, I will not have seen him for 2 1/2 days (a weekly occurance because of his dad and mine's co-parenting) and then I'll see him and he'll not hug or kiss me and will just run straight past me! I might get a whine or something to that avail for me to take his shoes off but he clearly isn't bothered about seeing me. Where other mum's are wishing their kids would just get independent and want to play by themselves for once (I, Ironically used to be of this category), I wish Milo would want to play with me! I usually get told of or simply ignored when I attempt this. It's frustrating and saddening and it seems to bring out feelings of rejection that are deeply rooted from my early days with Milo when I had post-natal depression and he used to scream at me all night long. Do the feelings from those days ever really dissipate? I hope so.
Ok, so that's it, my time is up, need to leave now but I had to get that off my chest. I'd really appreciate your views and experiences on the matter. Did you go through this or know of people who have? I at least feel better having admitted it!
I love to read your comments so please feel free to let me know what you think...
Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. I think it's all part and parcel of his age.
ReplyDeleteNo. 1: He's being independent. That's what it's all about at that age. He wants to do stuff on his own and he's discovered that he is happy playing on his own and it's probably what he does at Kita too.
No. 2: Is he happy? Maybe he just feels safe and secure that you are there where he expects to find you and there's no need for big (ok, any) shows of affection. It might not be in his nature to be a cuddler & a kisser. You just need to be there with the cuddles and the kisses at the moments when he does need them.
No. 3: Why not try a few activities where he will NEED to interact with you more? For example, take him swimming - yes, it would be nicer in the summer but it's an opportunity for you to see that he does need your help to do certain things.
No. 4: How does he react when you 'celebrate success'? - I'm sorry we use this crummy 'training course' phrase all the time in our house. But when he does something great, whether it's a pee in the potty, or eats all his dinner and you tell him he's done really well, do you cheer, shake your arms in the air in triumph, and have a cuddle? Does Milo copy you & join in?
I've been doing a load of online research since and it certainly seems I am not alone with witnessing such beahaviours, a relief in many ways but still wish it wouldn't happen.
ReplyDeleteMilo actually used to be a major kisser and cuddler, he used to love cuddling up to me and would cover everyone in kisses but it just changed although I couldn't tell you when this happened or if anything obvious triggered it?!
Taking part in activites in which he has to interact with me sounds like a good idea, I will definitely do that although he's always sick whenever we plan to go swimming!
As for celebrating success, sometimes he plumps up his chest and looks all proud of himself, othertimes he just ignores it when I celebrate what he does too. He doesn't tend to join in.
We'll find our feet, after a pleasant day yesterday I am feeling a bit more positive at the moment!